In the recruiting process, establishing trust between coaches and prospects seals the deal

Going through the motions and hearing shallow words just won’t cut it

Nice facilities — okay. Got your major — great. Application accepted — thumbs up. Money works for family — whew. Campus location acceptable — mama’s smiling. Like the team — in a big way. Like the coach — well…

That’s where so many senior high school recruits find themselves at this very moment. It all fits with the exception of their relationship with the coach. It’s a hurdle which is tough to climb over, but what’s a recruit to do? Can you take a chance on playing for a coach you don’t really feel all that great about while all the other pieces to the puzzle fit as if they were meant to be a part of your life?  It’s a tough one.

Here’s the thing: Most high school recruits believe that they are at the mercy of college coaches, but the coin does have two sides. On one side, the coaches have leverage, no doubt. They hold the opportunity, access to their team and the money, which the recruits want. On the flip side, the recruit has plenty of leverage to speak of, too, which is the talent coaches need. The waltz which ensues can be dicey or it can be fluid and effortless. Toes can be stepped on and feelings hurt. By the end of the song, however, they can either keep dancing together or go off in search of another partner. The question is, when can a prospect really know when a situation is the right situation?

Let’s start from square one.  Recruiting is all about constructing trust between a family and a coach. Everything else is a bonus. And trust starts with the first impression a coach makes on a family and vice versa. The chemistry between them has to be right for this to eventually work out to everyone’s satisfaction and advantage. It begins with getting off on good footing — honest conversations with honest questions and brutally honest answers. The problem comes when coaches say things at which athletes and parents react to by turning their heads sideways at each other. You know, like when a puppy hearing something odd turns his head at an angle as if to ask, “What was that?” Been there, right?

Recruits and parents have to be able to separate fact from fiction when talking to coaches. The good news is that most coaches are incapable of lying. They are as forthright and predictable as the night is long. It’s in their DNA and they just can’t lie.  The bad news is that others, well, they labor a bit with full disclosure, if you know what I mean. They have an agenda and that agenda can rule what they will say to get what they want which is you. That’s not to say that they are out and out liars, but fudging here or there can become more of a habit for some coaches than for their peers who are, shall we say, less conflicted about telling the truth.

So, and here’s the thing, after each exchange with a college coach, the family should ask the questions, “Do we believe what was just said to us?” “Does what the coach said really make sense?”  and “Has history shown these things to be true?” These are all difficult things to answer, but they must be asked if the family is to come around to entrusting their future with a coach.

When all the answers do make sense they automatically develop appreciation. As appreciation builds, comfort rises. When comfort ascends to the point of trust, you have a match.

Is there a more crucial problem a family faces than deciding which college their children should attend? In reality, yes, more dire things will come up in the future, but it is a big one, the going-to-college thing.

So, the decision cannot be approached in a cavalier manner by accepting everything a coach says as being the way things are or the way you want things to be. To be trite, it is what it is and a family can only really bank on their firsthand experiences with a coach. Take it in.  Carefully consider every word, expression and action for what you know, and know in your heart, that it is worth. Make your final decision based on facts, not promises. But most importantly, do whatever is necessary to build trust with a coach and if it can’t be done, give serious thought about that scenario being the best for you and for your family.